Curse of the Koneko
by zennou-sakusha
Summary: Somehow Farfarello and Schuldig have managed to get turned into kittens, and plan to go undercover and spy on Weiss! Can they possibly stay undercover long enough to accomplish what they came for? Warning: silliness!
1. And so it begins

**Curse of the Koneko  
Chapter 1**

Disclaimer: I don't own Weiss Kreuz, and I got part of the plot idea from Ranma 1/2.   
My first Weiss Kreuz fic! If any of the information about Weiss Kreuz is wrong, don't hesitate to correct me. If you notice that someone's extremely OOC, I've probably done that on purpose for humor or plot reasons. The rating is PG-13 because I'd really rather not be reported. Now that I've said all of that, read on and **don't forget to review**!

_'telepathic message/thought'_

A kitten playfully pounced upon the sidewalk, its paws barely missing the cockroach that it had declared its prey that wonderful summer afternoon. The said cockroach quickly scurried beneath the nearest hiding place in fear for its life- by chance, this hiding place turned out to be beneath the shoes of the one and only Omi Tsukiono.

Paying no attention to the human that towered above it, the kitten swatted those annoying feet in hopes of moving them to reveal the hiding cockroach. The kitten was an odd sight- with short, white fur that had patches missing here and there, and one eye permanently shut, while the other was a startling shade of amber. If that weren't enough to get attention, at its neck was a spiked dog collar made of genuine black leather.

Omi had been on his way to the local store for some much needed food. He was the only one who ever bothered to go shopping for anyone but himself, but he didn't mind. When he felt a tiny paw hitting his feet repeatedly, Omi looked down at the kitten. He grinned excitedly. He'd found a kitten!

"Kitty! Oh, I just love kitty cats! Do you want to play?" Omi greeted. The kitten ignored him and continued his assault on Omi's feet. "You're a silly kitty cat, kitty. What are you doing outside? Are you lost? Oh, I bet you're one of those poor orphan kitties that just need a home! HAVE NO FEAR; OMI IS HERE!"

A normal person would have taken one look at the odd kitten and backed away slowly, but Omi wasn't normal- he was a member of Weiss. He dealt with assassinations, Schwarz, and rabid fangirls daily; a strange looking kitten wasn't enough to frighten him! When Omi looked at the kitten, rather than seeing its oddities, all he noticed was a feline bundle of cuteness and joy.

With an impossibly huge smile on his face, Omi picked the kitten up and hugged it to his chest. The kitten squirmed and tried to get away, but Omi had a death grip on him.

"You're so cute!" He checked its collar for any tags that might give information about its owners, but found none. "So you're a stray kitty! I'm going to love you forever and ever and ever! Come on; let's go freak Aya out! It'll be fun!"

Completely forgetting why he had been out in the first place, Omi skipped joyously back to the flower shop with his new kitten in his arms. Helplessly, the kitten looked back towards the fortunate cockroach. The bug, now free of the menacing hunter, scurried away to the nearest dumpster. The kitten made a face that, if you looked close enough, appeared to be a pout.

* * *

_'Remind me again why we must hide in a trash can?'_ Schuldig asked telepathically.

_'Shush! I'm trying to observe the victim here!' _Crawford answered impatiently.

The oldest member of Schwarz was currently hiding inside an empty trashcan in a deserted alleyway, spying on Omi and the kitten, which happened to be Farfarello. Schuldig was a kitten as well, with long orange hair, beautiful emerald eyes, and a yellow bandana around his neck. He sat on Crawford's shoulder with an air of gracefulness about him, his tail twitching back and forth impatiently.

_'Braaaaaadleeeeeey! I wanna go too!'_

_'Shut up! You'll go when I say so!'_

_'But Bradleeeey! I wanna go now! Besides it's really smelly in here! ...It's not you, is it? Are you using that deodorant I gave you, or did you forget again?'_

_'No, you cannot go. And quit acting like my mother; it's a very disturbing image. Must I remind you that you happen to be a ahem kitten, and are completely at my mercy?'_

_'Oh, but this kitten has claws!' _As if to prove his point, Schuldig extracted his claws and dug them painfully into Crawford's shoulder. Whether or not Crawford noticed this was impossible to tell, and he continued spying without so much as a flinch.

Finally, as soon as Omi had picked up Farfarello the kitten and began carrying him home, Crawford sighed irritably and said, _'Fine, you may go now. But be vigilant! Ever vigilant!'_

_'Geez, you sound like that weirdo Auror guy from Harry Potter! You know, that Moody guy! ...Hey, I just realized that his name sounds like he's PMSing all the time! Imagine that!'_

_'...Schuldig, have you been raiding Nagi's mind again?!'_

_'Of course not! Why do you ask?'_

_'Because he's the only one who reads those books!'_

_'I'm insulted! Are you implying that I don't read on my own?!'_

_'Yes.'_

_'Well I do! Just yesterday I read a whole edition of Playboy all by myself! See what a big boy I am?'_

_'...'_

_'Before I leave your poor self all alone, are there any predictions I ought to know of?'_

_'Don't let Farfarello do anything stupid. If he scares his target off too soon, there will be trouble.'_

_'Okies! Sayonora, Bradley-chan! Don't wait up!'_

Crawford resisted the urge to roll his eyes as Schuldig the kitten leaped gracefully off of his shoulders. Being a feline, he landed nimbly with his feet on the ground, and began walking to the flower shop.

* * *

Nagi couldn't believe Crawford was actually going to allow Farfarello and Schuldig to do this. They were going to infiltrate Weiss, and not as humans, but as kittens. Kittens! What kind of cover was that?

Everything started a week ago, when they had to go on another mission: find the target, lure the target to a secluded place, and then kill the target. Easy for such good assassins, right? Not for Schwarz! Things had gone all right at first, until their target noticed he was being stalked by four very odd looking people. Needless to say, their intended victim made a run for it.

The target hadn't made it very far; less than half a mile away, he slipped and fell into a hot spring. Eventually, he drowned, while the rest of Schwarz was slightly luckier. Farfarello jumped in after him, accidentally taking Schuldig in with him. Crawford had already foreseen part of this and managed to keep Nagi and himself on dry ground. When Farfarello and Schuldig emerged with the drowned target, they had all, including the target, been turned into kittens.

Afterward, Nagi did research on those hot springs and discovered that they were cursed. Whoever falls in will turn into an animal when splashed with cold water, while hot water turns them back into a human.

At first Schuldig had done nothing but complain about the curse. Nagi smiled faintly as he recalled Schuldig's exact words upon finding out about the curse: "Ah, %&! You mean I gotta spend all my (&% time as a %&( kitten or being (&&% afraid of #$&% water?!! (&%&)%(&(&(&!!!"

This continued for days, until he finally decided that he should use it to his advantage. He was struck by the idea of turning into a kitten to spy on Weiss, and even managed to get Farfarello to help. To Nagi's surprise, Crawford agreed to it and even assisted them.

Nagi doubted Schuldig was just planning to spy on Weiss. There would have to be more reason for him to willingly turn into a kitten and place himself at Weiss's mercy. There was no telling what Schuldig was really scheming, and how much Farfarello and Crawford knew about it, but whatever it was, Nagi wasn't about to be a part of it.

Setting aside any suspicious thoughts, Nagi reminded himself that he was in the Schwarz household by himself. He was glad to be alone, not only because it would be much less chaotic, but also because that meant he could email his boyfriend all he wanted to and not worry about anyone finding out. He would never hear the end of it if they knew, and Crawford might even forbid it. After all, a relationship with a Weiss wasn't exactly ideal for a member Schwarz.

Nagi relaxed in his chair and logged on to his computer. Within minutes he forgot about everything else, completely caught up in the cyber space that he was so familiar with.

* * *

"We're home, kitty!" Omi cried cheerfully as he made his way through the fangirls and into the flower shop. Immediately all of the fangirls flocked to the new arrival and his cute pet.

"Aw, it's so adorable!"

"I want to pet it!"

"What's its name?"

"If you're not going to buy something, THEN LEAVE ALREADY!" Aya yelled from behind the counter. Then, waving his katana in the air, he yelled, "SHI-NE, YOU DITZES! SHI-NEEEEEEEE!"

Omi stared at him with wide eyes as he avoided the fangirls and made his way towards Aya. "What's wrong with you?"

All of the fangirls ignored Aya and crowded around Omi and the kitten. Aya finally lost control of his temper and jumped on top of the counter. Holding his unsheathed katana menacingly, he growled, "GET OUT, YOU $#%(%%!!!!! OUT, OUT, OUT BEFORE I SHI-NE YOU AND FEED YOU TO YOHJI! SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-NEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"

The fangirls looked at him with wide eyes, wondering if he would really do that. One look at Aya's death glare and sharp-looking sword was enough to know that he might actually be serious. Screaming wildly, they ran out of the store in a huge mob, not wanting Aya to do something harsh. However, they didn't go totally away. Instead, they waited outside in a huge crowd for one of their favorite bishounens to come out.

Looking around at the shop that was now empty of customers, Ken commented dryly, "Aya sure knows how to get rid of them, doesn't he?"

Omi sweat dropped and set his new kitten on the counter. "Uh, Aya...? Is this a bad time to tell you I have a new pet?"

"_Hn?!_" Aya growled as he jumped down from the countertop. Today was just not Aya's day. First, all of the baka fangirls annoy the heck out of him all day long, and now Omi says he has a new pet!

"See?" Omi pointed to his new kitten, which was now sniffing the counter. "Isn't it adorable?"

"Get. Rid. Of. It. Now!" Aya ordered. He wasn't going to allow a cat to stay in his household! Cat fur would be everywhere, they'd have to spend money on cat food, and he dared not even think of the kitty litter!

"Now, now, that's not very nice to Mr. Kitty Cat! You're going to hurt his feelings!"

"What're you going to name it?" Ken asked.

"Name what?" Yohji asked as he walked into the room.

"My new cat!"

"The cat leaves. Now."

"No! IF MR. KITTY CAT LEAVES, THEN I DO TOO!"

"Fine then, start packing."

"Aya! Don't be so cold all the time! You're going to turn into a popsicle one of these days."

"Not that I wouldn't mind. An Aya-popsicle would be yummy on a hot summer's night!"

"Shut up Yohji."

"Oooh, feisty, are we?"

"I still need to name him! Any suggestions?"

"Name him Mungojerrie [1]!"

"Eh? Mango-whatsit?"

"Mungojerrie!"

"Wow, Ken, it's official! You're a freak!"

"...That wasn't very nice..."

 "Any more suggestions?"

"If that cat isn't out of here within the next five minutes, I swear I'll kill it!"

"Isn't that sort of a long name? How about Mr. Whiskers?"

"Or how about Koneko?"

"You want to name him after the shop? What, is he our new mascot or something?"

"That's a great idea!"

"HNNN!!!!"

"Oh, that's a good suggestion, Aya. Let's name him Hn!"

"Hn!"

"You already said that, Aya."

"You're being repetitive. You know, that's a sign of a lack of calcium. Have you been taking your vitamins lately?"

While they were arguing, Farfarello the kitten had been busy exploring the empty shop. He had jumped from the counter to a nearby shelf, smelling the flowers. With his mind set on destruction, he pushed a pot off the shelf with one tiny paw. When he heard it crash to the ground and shatter, the soil and flower spilling out onto the ground, he felt great satisfaction. God would surely hurt! Then, he saw another pot, and just couldn't resist pushing that one off to meet its doom too. And then another one, and another...

By the time Farfarello was finished with his task, an entire shelf had been emptied, its previous contents lying in a broken heap on the floor.

Weiss had been too caught up in their argument over what to name the kitten to notice what the subject of their discussion had been doing. When they finally bothered to turn around and look, it was already too late. Omi's eyes widened at the destruction his new kitten had caused.

"Hn! Come here, Hn!" Omi called.

"HN?!"

Yohji, who knew Aya enough to translate what he said, answered Aya's question. "Yes, he's calling his kitten Hn thanks to your suggestion."

"Shi-ne, cat!" Aya protested.

Omi grabbed his kitten and hugged him. "Hn, don't do that ever, ever again! You could get hurt! Do you hear me, Hn? Are you hurt?" Anxiously, Omi looked his new kitten over to check for injury. With a sigh of relief, he announced, "Oh good, you're okay. Don't do that! You had Daddy really worried about you!"

"Daddy?!" Yohji asked curiously, wondering why Omi of all people would say that. Sounded a bit too hentai for such an innocent looking guy!

"Well, I don't look like his mother, now do I?"

"Omi, any destruction caused by that baka cat is coming out of your paycheck!"

"What?! No fair!" Omi objected.

"Too bad. Your cat, your money."

Yohji took the kitten out of Omi's hands and looked at his scruffy fur and closed eye. "Where the heck did you find such a mangy cat? Look, one of his eyes won't even open."

Distracted from his argument, Omi looked over Yohji's shoulder at his kitten. "Oh, you're right. I know just what he needs!" Omi disappeared in the backroom for a few minutes, and came back with something for the kitten. He took Farfarello in his hands and put something over his bad eye. "There! All done!"

After taking the kitten in his hands, Ken looked at him. Farfarello the kitten now had a black eye patch over his left eye. "I don't know... Doesn't he look kind of familiar to you?"

Omi, Yohji, and Aya looked at the kitten in Ken's hands. They looked at his white fur, with patches of it missing like old scars, at his one amber eye that looked back at them curiously, the other one covered with the black eye patch, and then at the spiked, leather dog collar around his neck.

"No, he doesn't look familiar to me."

"Quit being so paranoid, Ken."

"The cat still needs to leave. And I'm not cleaning up the mess he made."

"Aya, he's staying here and that's final! The day that you force Hn to leave is the day I leave too!"

"THEN JUST LEAVE ALREADY! We've already got Yohji to take care of; we don't need another creature!"

"Hey!" Yohji protested.

"Aya, quit being so mean to Hn. He hasn't done anything to you!" Omi pouted, hoping his cuteness might aid him.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! LOOK AT THE MESS THAT BAKA CAT MADE!"

"Omi, did you get the groceries?" Ken asked, changing the subject before Aya exploded.

Smiling sheepishly, he replied, "Oops, I forgot when I saw Hn."

"Oh that's just great. We're out of food, and we have another creature to take care of."

"He's a kitten and his name is Hn!"

"Why did you have to name that baka cat Hn? That's not even a word, much less a name!"

"Then why do you say hn all the time if it isn't a word?"

"Because-"

Ken interrupted them, "Aya, why don't you and Yohji go get the groceries while Omi and I stay here? We'll take care of the shop and watch over Hn," Ken suggested.

"Wait a minute! Why do I have to go shopping?!"

"I'm not leaving while that cat is here."

"Don't worry so much, Aya! It's not like Hn's going to blow up the shop or something!"

"I wouldn't bet on that."

"When did I agree to go shopping?! I don't wanna go!" Yohji whined, but nobody paid attention to him.

"Aya, we'll be fine! Quit your worrying! We need the groceries, and if you don't go, we're probably going to starve to death."

Despite their protests, Ken and Omi forcefully shoved Yohji and Aya out the front door and into the waiting crowd of fangirls outside.

"See you later!"

"Don't come back until you get everything!"

Ken and Omi watched out the window as fangirls crowded around Yohji and Aya, like hungry animals on fresh prey. Aya glanced around nervously, looking for a way to escape. Crowds of fangirls always made him a bit nervous. He eyed the flower shop's front door, but noticed Omi and Ken waving at him pointedly, making it obvious enough that they wouldn't let him back in until he went shopping.

Aya sighed irritably and glanced at Yohji, who was now flirting like there was no tomorrow. He grabbed Yohji by the collar and started dragging him to the nearest grocery store.

"Hey, I was talking to them!"

"Quit complaining and start running!"

"Nani?" Yohji looked back at the fangirls, who were charging at them like an angry mob. "GAH!"

Omi grinned as he saw Yohji and Aya disappear around the street corner, taking the fangirls with them. Poor Aya and Yohji had to endure those crazy fangirls just to go to the grocery store. Oh the sad, pathetic life of a bishounen.

"Ken, would you please clean up and watch the shop? I need to do some homework," Omi told him and walked upstairs to his room.

"Why do I have to?! Oi, don't forget your cat!" Ken called, but Omi was already gone. He sighed irritably, dreading the cleaning he had to do. "Baka Omi, always leaving me to do stuff... Guess it's just you and me, Hn. You're not going to destroy anything else, are you?"

Farfarello glanced at him briefly, and then pounced on the cash register. Ken watched him for a while and decided that the kitten wouldn't do any harm, so he decided to start cleaning up the scattered flowers and broken pots. Although Ken hated cleaning, this had to be done, and the sooner it was over with, the better.

* * *

While Ken was busy cleaning, Omi went up to his room and quickly locked the door. Then he logged onto his computer to check his email. He wasn't going to do homework, like he had told Ken. Instead, he planned on emailing his boyfriend. Even though Omi hated lying to his teammates, it was the only way he could keep his love life a secret. If they knew whom Omi was dating, the others would most likely forbid it.

Omi went through his inbox, deleting all of the junk mail. Finally, at the bottom of the list, he found the email he had been looking for.

From: "Nagi Naoe" prodigy225schwarz.com

To: "Omi Tsukiono" bombaykonekoweiss.com [2]

Subject: Hi

Konnichi wa! Sorry I haven't had the chance to email you recently, but this is the first time I've had the house to myself in ages. The other three are out doing something really stupid- you don't want to know. How have you been?

Love,  
Nagi

Omi hit the reply button, and was ready to start typing when he heard someone tapping on his bedroom window. He looked to see what it was, and, to his surprise, he saw another kitten standing on the windowsill. He immediately opened it and let the kitten in.

Schuldig the kitten allowed Omi to pick him up gently, and set him down by his computer mouse. He had just arrived at the flower shop before Aya and Yohji left, and didn't want to mingle with the fangirls in the front. So instead, he opted to climb up to a bedroom window, which, he found out, was Omi's.

"Wow, another kitty! Who would've thought I'd find two in just one day! What are you doing here? And how on Earth did you get all the way up to the window?" He checked the new kitten for identification tags, but didn't find any on its yellow bandana. "Guess I'll have to keep you here too. You're going to stay here with Hn, no matter what Aya says. And I'm going to love you forever and ever, and you and Hn and me are going to get along just fine! I'll let you meet Hn as soon as I finish this, okay kitty?"

Schuldig paid little attention to Omi's rambling and read what was on the computer screen. Once he was done, he smirked inwardly. He always knew those two liked each other, and he had the proof right here in front of him. He didn't even have to read a mind!

Omi quickly typed in his reply and pushed send. After the email was sent, Omi turned his computer off, in case somebody came into his room while he was gone.

When that was done, Omi looked over at the kitten on his computer desk. "What should I name you, kitty? We should ask Aya for suggestions. He came up with Hn's name! I bet he'd name you Shi-ne! That seems to be his favorite word, besides hn. So, how about that? Shi-ne? Or maybe we could name you Aya-chan, after Aya's sister. Bet he'd like that!"

Schuldig hissed loudly in protest, but Omi took that as excitement.

"Yes, kitty, I know. They're great names! Or maybe we could name you Ran!"

The kitten growled and hissed, but Omi was oblivious to it.

"Or maybe Abyssinian? Hmmmm.... We should ask Ken. But he'll probably name you after his favorite soccer team..."

Schuldig's eyes narrowed. He wasn't going to be named after a soccer team! He could stand being named after Aya or even after his sister, but a soccer team? That was a bit too weird.

"...Well, I guess I should name you Shi-ne. Aya'd like that, ne?"

Shi-ne. Great. Schuldig's pet name was 'die'. That was worse than being named after a soccer team. Geez, why doesn't Omi just pronounce him as road kill?!

* * *

Meanwhile, at the local grocery store, Yohji and Aya were busy with their shopping. Somewhere along the way they had ditched the fangirls, and were currently in the produce department.

"Aya!!! Can we go yet?!" Yohji whined.

"No, we don't have everything," Aya replied while looking for the best fruits to buy.

Yohji sighed impatiently. This was so boring! "Hey Aya? Are you done yet?"

"No."

"How about now?"

"No."

"...Now?"

"NO!!!

"Oi, Aya!"

Aya ignored him, so Yohji poked his arm. No reaction. So he poked him again, and again, and again.

Finally, Aya, with his eye twitching furiously, turned to Yohji and asked, "WHAT THE #$%&(%(&%$% DO YOU WANT?!!!"

"Just wanted to let you know that everyone's staring at us."

Aya looked around. All of the other shoppers were staring at them with a facial expression kind of like this: OO;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

He slapped Yohji's cheek hard. "SHI-NE, you baka! Quit causing scenes!"

"Uh... actually, they're staring at you!"

Aya slapped Yohji's other cheek, and he fell to the ground twitching. Then Aya sent death glares to everyone watching him. "SHI-NE, BAKAS!"

Everyone hurriedly went back to their shopping and pointedly ignored the odd red-haired boy and his companion, who was still twitching on the floor.

_'This is going to be a very long shopping trip...'_

[1] Mungojerrie is the name of a cat from the musical 'Cats'.

[2] Their email address aren't real, so don't send any emails there or anything!


	2. Can ramen be deadly?

**Curse of the Koneko**

**Chapter 2**

Warning: silliness, OOCness, and overall craziness. I did intend to add more shounen ai, but things got kind of carried away...

After lots of hard work, Ken finished cleaning up, and put away all of the cleaning supplies. Then he looked around for the kitten, but couldn't find him anywhere in the flower shop. Hoping that there wouldn't be another mess to clean up, Ken decided to look in the backroom.

Approaching the room, Ken could see that the door was ajar, with just enough room for the kitten to get in. He opened the door all the way to find red, blue, green, purple, and all other sorts of ribbon strewn across the floor in a tangled heap.

Ken couldn't see the kitten anywhere, with the ribbons covering everything. He stepped into the room, trying to clear off the floor. Unfortunately, being Ken, he tripped and fell to the floor.

"Owww..." he groaned. His feet became tangled with all of the colorful ribbons around him, so when he tried to get up, he fell down again. Ken struggled to get all of the ribbon away from him, but only succeeded to get even more tangled up.

Suddenly, he felt tiny teeth bite down viciously on his hand, causing it to bleed. Looking down at it, he saw the white kitten with his mouth attached to his hand. As if that weren't weird enough, the kitten began licking the blood like it was water.

As soon as he felt that rough pink tongue on his hand, Ken was too shocked to do anything. Omi's kitten was lapping up his blood like a little vampire! He sat paralyzed while Farfarello continued lick and biting until something in him finally snapped. Ken let out a deafening, ear-piercing scream that could be heard from miles away, and nearly broke all of the store's windows.

Within minutes, Omi was downstairs with his new kitten. He stopped in the doorway of the storage room and looked around at what was going on. Dozens of ribbons were in tangled heaps on the floor, and in the center of the mess was Ken, with Farfarello the kitten gnawing ferociously at his hand.

Ken started shaking his hand wildly, trying to get rid of the kitten's teeth, but Farfarello had a death grip on him. "Get off, you %$&#$%&(#$ cat!!!"

His eyes wide in shock, Omi gasped. "Ken! Don't talk like that! And what on Earth happened in here?"

"Your dumb cat got in here and messed everything up!" Ken said as he shook his hand harder. Finally, Farfarello the kitten let go of his hand and went flying across the room, landing safely on a pile of ribbons.

Omi ran to the fallen kitten and picked him up. After depositing both Farfarello and Schuldig on the store counter in the shop, Omi went back to help Ken up. As Ken bandaged his bleeding hand, Omi cleaned up the storage room, lest Aya come back to find the shop in even more of a mess than when he left.

When they were done, they went back to the counter where Schuldig was now checking Farfarello for injuries. Kitten or human, Schuldig had to make sure he wasn't hurt, lest he had to face Crawford's wrath afterword. Once Ken and Omi saw them, all angry thoughts vanished, to be replaced with confused ones.

"Uh, that cat seems awfully worried about Hn. Is it his girlfriend?"

"No, they're both boys!"

Ken and Omi looked at each other, then at the two kittens on the counter. As soon as Schuldig finished his inspection, Farfarello started sending him mental images of what had happened to him so far. But since Omi and Ken weren't telepaths, they didn't know this, and only saw the two kittens staring intently at one another.

"Can cats have a shounen ai relationship?!"

"I don't think so..."

"Where the heck did you find that weirdo cat?"

"He climbed all the way up to my bedroom window."

"You're kidding... He seriously wanted to be with Hn that much?!"

As they talked, Schuldig was communicating with Farfarello telepathically.

_'Those idiots really think that we're in a shounen ai relationship. Guess who innocent little Omitchi is seeing off to the side? Our very own Prodigy. Interesting, ne?'_

_'Shounen ai hurts God.'_

_'Ja, it does. This will be a fun assignment.'_

_'But we're not allowed to kill anyone! Crawford only sent us to keep an eye on Weiss.'_

_'There are many different ways of torture that don't involve pain, Farf.'_

Doubtfully, Farfarello listened as Schuldig told him about the many ways they could annoy Weiss without throwing Crawford into an angry fit.

* * *

After almost an hour of shopping- and complaining- Aya and Yohji had paid for all of their groceries, ready to begin the journey home. With a grocery bag in each hand, the two boys looked cautiously out the front door of the store.

"See any fangirls?"

"No."

"Here's what we're going to do: we exit the building, I turn left and you turn right, and we make a break for it. Understood?" Aya told him.

"Hai."

Aya and Yohji looked once more for fangirls, and then darted away in separate directions. Once Aya was far enough from the store, he turned back to see how Yohji was doing. The fangirls had spotted him and were chasing him. Aya was glad he wasn't in Yohji's position. Smirking to himself, he continued on his way. Yohji could be so dumb sometimes. Didn't he know turning right was the long way home?

After about ten minutes of walking, during which Aya was very tense and jumped at the slightest sound, he arrived at the flower shop. As soon as he walked in, Omi and Ken greeted him.

"Konnichi wa, Aya."

"Need some help?"

Omi grabbed the groceries and went to put them away as Ken set aside the magazine he had been reading.

"Was there any trouble while I was gone?"

"No, the cats were good."

"...Cats?! I though we had one."

Ken flinched, remembering that Aya didn't know about the new kitten. "Uh, yeah, we got another one..."

"ANOTHER ONE?! The other one was supposed to be gone, and you tell me that we have ANOTHER ONE?!"

"Uh, yeah..."

Omi walked into the room in time to hear Aya's last sentence. Pointing at the two kittens that were now sleeping on the shop counter, he said, "Hai, we have a new kitten. We named him Shi-ne, in your honor. He's Hn's boyfriend!"

"Boyfriend? I thought the other one was male."

"Yup, they're both boys. Apparently, humans aren't the only one with shounen ai relationships!"

Aya closed his eyes, processing this new information. They were acting like a cat being in a shounen ai relationship was normal! His teammates got weirder and weirder every day.

"Whatever. I don't even want to know. Just... just make sure those things don't do anything."

Omi grinned, glad that he didn't have to argue with Aya about it anymore.

Noticing someone was missing, Ken asked, "Oi, where's Yohji?"

"He's, um, entertaining the fangirls."

"Nani?"

Suddenly, the flower shop door burst open to reveal a very worn out Yohji. His hair was a mess, his shirt and a shoe were missing, and the rest of his clothes were torn and tattered. Yet, somehow, he managed to keep all of his groceries.

He quickly slammed the door shut and locked it. His teammates looked at him with wide eyes.

"What happened to you, Yohji?"

Yohji glared and pointed an accusing finger at Aya. "He came home and left me to deal with all of the fangirls- the RABID fangirls. Those things out there took my shirt! My FAVORITE shirt! And they took my shoe! MY $%&$&% SHOE! THOSE $&%&&& FREAKS TOOK MY &((& SHOE AND MY &)%$ SHIRT!!!!"

"Get over yourself. It was an ugly shirt, and those shoes clash with your hair," Aya told him.

"Nani?! You TRAITOR! You sold me out to them!"

Aya rolled his eyes. "You were the one who agreed to turn right, while I turned left. Don't blame me if the fangirls chose to follow you."

"But isn't that the long way home?" Ken asked.

Yohji's eyes narrowed further. "Long way home? YOU MADE ME WALK THE _LONG_ WAY HOME?!!!"

"You agreed to it."

Yohji was ready to attack Aya when they heard a loud bang. Everyone looked at the front door, which the fangirls were trying to tear down. With their eyes wide in fright, Aya and Yohji bolted upstairs, lest the fangirls break in and catch them. Several loud noises came from outside, including demands for the 'bishies to come out and play'.

"So, uh, should we let them in?"

"I don't think Aya and Yohji would appreciate that."

"Then, what do we do...?"

"Ken, why don't you close up the shop? I doubt any customers are going to come with all of those fangirls around," Omi requested. Once Ken nodded in response, Omi grabbed the two dozing kittens gently, who mewled loudly in protest when he woke them up, and walked upstairs.

When Omi arrived in the living room, he found Aya on the couch reading a book. Yohji, he assumed, had gone to change clothes. Glancing at the clock, he discovered that it was almost time for dinner.

"Oi, Aya, what's for dinner?"

Aya glanced up at him. "We did the shopping, so you and Ken have to cook."

"Um okay... What should we cook?"

"Your decision. Just make it edible," Aya replied before returning to his book.

"That wasn't a helpful suggestion..." Omi complained. Realizing Aya wasn't going to respond, he sighed and set the two kittens down on the floor. "Aya, watch Hn and Shi-ne while I cook, okay?"

Taking Aya's silence as agreement, Omi headed off to the kitchen to start cooking. Aya was starting to get on his nerves. The whole cat fiasco had been blown way out of proportion, and Aya was the one at fault. Omi sighed again, deciding to just get out of the room before he decided to say something mean to Aya. It wasn't his fault that he was antisocial.

The living room became noiseless save the occasional turning of a page, until a few minutes later, when Yohji entered the room wearing a new set of clothes.

Aya looked up as the other boy entered. Yohji sat down on the other couch and pulled out a hentai magazine. "I'm not talking to you until you apologize!" Yohji announced.

Schuldig the kitten looked at Yohji's magazine with interest, causing Farfarello to follow his gaze. Aya raised an eyebrow as the orange-haired kitten leaped gracefully to perch on Yohji's shoulder and began looking at the hentai magazine avidly. When Farfarello the kitten followed him curiously, Aya shook his head sadly before returning to his reading. What kind of freaky kittens were they? Shounen ai relationships, hentai magazines- what next? Strip clubs for cats and dogs?

Yohji paid the kittens no attention and continued reading his magazine, pointedly not talking to Aya as a constant reminder that he was still angry. While Schuldig continued skimming the magazine, Farfarello lost interest quickly.

_'Schu? Where's Siberian? I'm bored, and he seems fun to annoy!'_

_'Be quiet! I'm trying to read this!'_

_'Since when do you read? And I want to find Siberian-kitty!'_

_'Find him yourself, lazy.'_

Farfarello scowled at Schuldig, who ignored him, and jumped down to the floor to look for Ken. This was the first time he had ever been inside the Weiss household, and Farfarello had no clue where to find anything.

After wandering around aimlessly for a while, Farfarello found Omi trying to decide what to cook for dinner in the kitchen. Farfarello stood beside Omi's feet and meowed, "Where's Siberian-kitty?"

Being human, Omi, of course, only heard a chorus of meows. He looked down, and when he saw Farfarello, he grinned. "Konnichi wa, koneko!"

The kitten repeated his question, "Meow meow-ow?"

Omi blinked repeatedly, trying to decipher what had been said. "...Oh, I get it! You must be hungry, right?"

"Meow meow-ow!" he said again.

"No worries, Hn! Now, if we could just find Ken, maybe we could feed you and Shi-ne." Omi picked Farfarello up and set him by the stove. "What would you like for dinner? We don't have any cat food. Baka Aya wants me to care of you, but he doesn't even bother to buy your food!" Glaring at in the general direction of where Aya was, Omi continued, "Hmph, we'll show him! Forget about fancy five-course dinners- we're having instant ramen tonight! Mwahaha!"

Farfarello glanced at Omi, wondering which of them was the sane one. Since when did naïve little Omi plot against Weiss's leader in an effort to feed him with bad cooking? This was a plot worthy of Nagi's doing! Remembering what Schuldig had said about Omi and Nagi, it did make sense for Prodigy's attitude to rub off on Omi. Perhaps Nagi was a bad influence to the Weiss-kitty.

The very thought made Farfarello want to snicker. Imagine the two more innocent Weiss and Schwarz assassins together! God would certainly dislike it!

"Eh, Omi? Are you okay? I thought I heard maniacal laughter in here."

Omi and Farfarello turned to see Ken walking into the kitchen.

"Aya said something about us cooking dinner...?" Ken asked.

"Oh, hai! We have to cook since they shopped."

"Are you sure you're alright? You look kind of pale."

"Oh, I'll be fine after we serve that dictator of ours... [dramatic pause] INSTANT RAMEN! Bwahahaha!" Omi announced joyously- or, perhaps, insanely, but you can be the judge of that.

Ken gasped. "But Aya only eats the finest of foods! If we were to serve him [dramatic pause] INSTANT RAMEN, he might die because the cheap food products wouldn't be good enough for his fragile digestive system!"

Omi pondered that thought for a moment. "True... which is why we'll disguise the noodles as fancy restaurant food! Nobody but us will know the difference, and I bet Mr. Popsicle's digestive system won't be able to tell until it's TOO LATE! It'll be the perfect crime- feed him [dramatic pause] INSTANT RAMEN and make him think he's eating the finest of Japan! MWAHA! FEEL THE WRATH OF A GENIUS WITH TOO MUCH SPARE TIME!"

"Right..." Ken said dryly. "Why are you so against Aya anyway?"

"First, he forbids me from keeping Hn and Shi-ne here, then he has to be forced to do just a little bit of grocery shopping when I'm the one who usually does it, and he's always such a cold-hearted jerk to everyone. And, get this, last week he, " Omi paused significantly, "MADE FUN OF MY SHORTS! He said that they were too short for a boy!!! THAT COLD-HEARTED % &()($&&!!!! I SHALL REVENGE THE LOSS OF MY PRIDE!!"

Ken sweat dropped. He thought about telling Omi that it was actually Yohji who made fun of his shorts, but he didn't want to spoil the mood. Instead, he settled for saying, "Geez, you're really OOC today, you know?"

"I know! Must be the rabid fangirls... Sometimes all of their Sailor Moon merchandise gets on my nerves... It seems that Sailor Moon has been becoming more and more popular lately. If we're not careful, our fangirls will try to convert us to Sailor Whatever fans!!!"

"Sheesh, Sailor Moon must be the spawn of evil or something! I bet you anything that Schwarz are Sailor Moon fanboys!"

Farfarello's single good eye narrowed at Ken's remark. Maybe Nagi, and probably Schuldig too, but Farfarello was most certainly not a Sailor Moon fanboy! If he was anybody's fanboy, it had to be Martha Stewart! She had pretty knives, and on Martha Stewart Living, she was always slicing things...

"For the love of cheese, all those Sailor freaks do is run around in mini skirts shouting about moons and planets and stuff!"

"And what's up with her boyfriend, that mask guy? What kind of dorky baka runs around with roses and proclaims his love for some random blond girl with absolutely no friggin sense?!"

"His weapon is a rose!! A ROSE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I bet he gets roses from the flower shop down the street. Did you know they're having another sale this week? That's why our only customers are those rabid fangirls!"

"Oh, dear! We're gonna have to lower our prices again!"

"If we want to stay in business, that is. To tell you the truth, I've been thinking about quitting and joining the circus or working at McDonald's."

"Really? Wow, me too! I've always wanted to work at a fast food place!"

Ken suddenly grabbed Omi by the shoulders and looked him straight in the eye. "Let's run away together! After we kill Aya with [dramatic pause] INSTANT RAMEN and we lock Yohji in the bathroom, we can immigrate illegally to California and work at a greasy fast food joint! If we're lucky, we'll make it all the way to Hollywood and meet Pamela Anderson!"

"Who's that?"

"I don't know, but I heard she was really hot!"

"Okies!!! But, can I bring the kittens?"

"Sure, why not?"

Omi thought about Nagi for a moment. "Can I bring a... friend, too?"

"What, like a girlfriend?"

"N-not really..." Omi bit his lip nervously. He almost let Ken know about Nagi!

Ken grinned. "Good, cause you're MY Omitchi!"

"N-nani?!" Omi's eyes widened and a blush spread across his face.

Farfarello watched them suspiciously, hissing once hearing Ken's statement. Omi was Nagi's! Nobody double-crossed a member of Schwarz!

The kitten was ready to pounce when Ken said, "Just kidding! Man, you should've seen the look on your face!" Ken laughed. "You're really naïve, you know that?"

Omi glared at the older boy. "It's not funny! Ken, I hope you know that you're OOC too! You're starting to sound like Yohji, and it's really scary!"

"Aw, quit being such a cry baby!"

"I'm NOT a cry baby!"

"Yes you are! Look, you're starting to cry! The Chibi Cry Baby strikes again!" Ken announced teasingly.

Indeed, tears were welling up in Omi's eyes. He hated it when people called him that!

"Okay, Omi, you can stop crying now!" Ken said as tears coursed down Omi's face. "Omitchi...?"

"I HATE being called a cry baby! Especially CHIBI CRY BABY!!!" Omi managed to say between sobs. "You're always so MEAN to me, Ken! You and Yohji and Aya are always saying bad things about me and MAKING FUN OF MY SHORTS!"

"GAH! Omitchi... I'm so sorry!!! Just, stop crying!" Ken put a comforting arm around Omi and patted his back sympathetically. "Gomen nasai!!!"

Suddenly, all of Omi's tears dried up instantly and he grinned. "Haha! Gotcha, Kenken!"

Omi laughed as his teammate glared at him in mock anger. "ARGH! You little... Quit it with the crocodile tears already!!!"

"But seriously, Ken, please stop acting like Yohji! It's really creepy!"

"Oh alright." He gave Omi a hug as he said, "I wouldn't want to freak you out too bad, after all. Weiss needs their Bombay!"

Farfarello scowled from his spot by the stove. They were at it again! Hugging, teasing, possessiveness- next came kissing, then... Farfarello had to put an end to this madness! In his mind, he was the only one who should be able to do anything so crazy.

It was time to take action! Thankfully, action was Farfarello's middle name! (Not really, but whatever.)

Mentally, Farfarello counted down from five.

Five...

Omi smiled at Ken.

Four...

Ken smiled back.

Three...

Farfarello extracted his claws.

Two...

The kitten crouched, ready to go. Ken asked Omi if everything was okay now.

One...

His lone amber eye locked on his target. Omi opened his mouth to answer.

Go!

With his eye narrowed, Farfarello pounced...

TO BE CONTINUED


	3. Aya gets MAD

**Curse of the Koneko**

**Chapter 3**

With his eye narrowed, Farfarello pounced, heading straight for Ken...

Only to land on Omi!

Ignoring this setback, the kitten latched his claws onto Omi's face anyway. The poor boy, who had no clue as to why a hissing, scratching kitty cat just landed on him, almost fell, but Ken caught him and knocked Farfarello away.

"You baka koneko! How could you do that to Omi!" Ken reprimanded the kitten with a glare.

Farfarello backed away, fur raised and hissing. He had meant to hit Ken, not Omi! Usually his aim was dead on... Curse those new kitten reflexes! They were affecting his fighting ability!

Slightly shaken, Omi frowned at his kitten and asked, "What's wrong, Hn? Are you mad?"

"Yes! You are Nagi's, not _his_!" Farfarello meowed, though it was only heard as, "Meow! Hissss hiss _hiss_!"

Picking up his kitten, Omi held Farfarello an arm's length away to avoid his claws, just in case, and stared intently at the lone golden eye, trying to think of what could be wrong. Let's see... Omi had begun plotting his revenge against Aya, then Ken had teased him and Omi had teased back... Ken hugged him... and then the kitten went rabid all of a sudden... almost like all of those jealous fangirls...

Ah-HA! FANGIRLS! Eureka!

"Oh, I get it!" Omi beamed proudly at his cat, which was still staring at Ken. "Hn was defending me!"

Turning to look back at Omi, Farfarello's eye widened. In a way, that was almost right... Farfarello had been defending Nagi's territory from Ken...

"Uh... Jealous...?" Ken asked, disbelieving.

"Hai! He doesn't want to share his Omitchi with you, so he attacked when you hugged me!" Omi answered with a grin.

Of course it couldn't be true... Weiss's smartest was still as naïve as ever... Farfarello face-vaulted at Omi's obliviousness.

Ken raised an eyebrow. "He's jealous of me?! The cat's got a boyfriend who reads hentai magazines, and now he's jealous of me just because I hugged you?! Right..."

Not noticing Ken's sarcastic tone, Omi nodded. "Yup, he's jealous! Isn't he soooooo cute? He's like my own little fanboy-kitten!" He hugged Farfarello tightly, until the kitten was ready to faint from lack of oxygen. Finally, Omi released his kitten and set him on the floor. "Okay, Hn, be good! Ken, we ought to start on our dramatic pause INSTANT RAMEN, ne?"

The kitten glared at Omi. He was nobody's fanboy-kitten! Becoming a fanboy required worship and love and way too much horniness- Farfarello wanted absolutely none of that!

Clueless to the kitten's anger, Ken answered Omi, "Okay, but do you think this will really work?"

"Of course it will! You remember when Aya accidentally ate one of the cookies Yohji baked for him last year, don't you?"

"Oh yeah... That was funny! He was sick for a week! But... maybe that was because Yohji cooked it... He isn't exactly the Martha Stewart of the kitchen..." Ken said doubtfully. Farfarello looked up at the mention of Martha Stewart, wondering why they were talking about her.

"Perhaps, but you ate a cookie too and didn't get sick."

"But I'm used to my cooking already! I'm a really bad cook, you know."

"Just trust me. Aya will get sick! Now, go get a pot and fill it with water, then set it on the stove to boil."

Ken did as Omi instructed him as the other boy searched through the cabinets for the right package of instant ramen.

"Oi, Ken! What do you think is more lethal- chicken, shrimp, or beef flavored?"

"I'd have to say... beef! You know, mad cow disease and all!"

"Oh yeah! Hehe, good thinking!" Omi pulled out a package of beef flavored instant ramen while Ken set the pot on the stove to boil.

While the other two were cooking, Farfarello began to explore the kitchen. He'd never realized how dirty floors were when your face was only a few inches away from it. Dead bugs could be seen here and there, surrounded by the crumbs of food that had lured them there. Stains from long ago were still visible, and...

Farfarello's musings on dirty floors skidded to a halt when he spotted a live cockroach, scurrying about while searching for food.

But it wasn't just any cockroach- it was the very same one from earlier that day. The one that Farfarello had been hunting when he ran into Omi.

Of course, the chances of this truly being the exact same cockroach were slim to none, but Farfarello just knew this was that same annoying bug! Somehow, he sensed it, whenever he looked at its sleek black body or smelled its scent of garbage and trash cans. Call him crazy, but he knew that cockroach now and the cockroach from earlier today were one and the same.

And he planned to get his sweet revenge. Nobody is claimed Farfarello's victim and gets away unharmed! Except for Schwarz. And Weiss. And random people somehow involved with Schwarz or Weiss. But those are all strictly for plot reasons! Otherwise, should you fit in the category of 'other random people', you're toast!

The cockroach continued his search for food, oblivious to the kitten that now loomed over him...

* * *

Despite what the others may think, Schuldig wasn't interested in Yohji's hentai magazine- he was much more interested in the people around him (he'd already read that particular edition, anyway). Earlier, he had discussed several ways to bug Weiss with Farfarello, and what better time to begin than now?

With the aid of his telepathy, the kitten stared evenly at Aya as he read, digging through his thoughts and adding a few interesting suggestions.

Feeling a pair of eyes on him, Aya looked up towards Yohji, thinking it was an angry glare from the playboy. Instead he found the red haired kitten looking at him. What an odd cat... He was ready to go back to his book when a sudden thought came to him. Why not go upstairs and snoop around Omi's things? He spent so much time on his computer, there had to be something worthwhile there.

Perhaps he was being taken advantage of by one of those computer stalkers! Or maybe he was being sucked into a ring of perverted freaks who wanted to share their favorite hobbies with him!

Alarmed, Aya set his book aside and quickly left the room, suddenly eager to make sure there was nothing bad on Omi's computer. He walked to the boy's room, unaware that Schuldig was present in his mind the entire time.

Upon arriving, he sat down in front of his teammate's computer and turned it on. When the blank screen changed to show it was loading, Aya was prompted for a password. Uh oh... He hadn't thought it would be password protected...

_'Try koneko...' _someone whispered into his mind. Focused on the computer, Aya ignored the oddity of this, since he was alone in the room, and decided to try it. He typed in 'koneko' and hit enter. Immediately, the prompt disappeared and the desktop popped up in its place.

The next half hour or so was spent exploring the computer's files, but nothing significant had been found until Aya came across Omi's saved emails. There he discovered Nagi's email from earlier:

"Konnichi wa! Sorry I haven't had the chance to email you recently, but this is the first time I've had the house to myself in ages. The other three are out doing something really stupid- you don't want to know. How have you been?"

Upon reading this, Aya's eyes narrowed. They were... friendly with each other? But then, he read the last part...

"Love,  
Nagi"

Oh, no, they were MORE than friendly... Love? He had found much, much more than he had hoped... This was no perverted computer stalker! This was worse! Much, much worse! Schwarz was tainting the most innocent of Weiss, and something must be done! Omi was fraternizing with the enemy! Nagi must have seduced him! It was time to take action and stop this horrible crime!

Aya came up with these silly conclusions one after the other, until he finally decided that he had to ban Omi from any contact with that baka Schwarz boy. He stormed back downstairs to the kitchen, ready to confront his younger teammate...

* * *

Schuldig grinned- or at least tried to in his cat body- when he saw Aya walk determinedly towards the kitchen. Yohji noticed as well, but pointedly ignored the Weiss leader and continued reading his wonderful hentai magazine.

This should be very fun, thought Schuldig. He abandoned his post beside Balinese and silently followed the angry redhead.

Omi and Ken were almost done cooking the dramatic pause INSTANT RAMEN meant to kill Aya so they could illegally immigrate to California. Farfarello was pouncing on a cockroach, which seemed to get away every time.

With a glare and a stomp, the angry leader of Weiss entered the kitchen dramatically- or at least as dramatically as he could compared to the dramatic pause INSTANT RAMEN! I mean, come on, it's just really hard to beat a common food meant to become poison in a dramatic contest.

"Omi?!" Aya asked, getting the boy's attention. "Why did Nagi of Schwarz EMAIL you?"

"Uhhhh.... WHAT?" Omi was shocked. Aya had discovered him in the middle of his plotting, and now he knows Nagi and him were.... friendly! Boyfriendly, even!

"I SAW THE EMAIL! NAGI SAID HE LOVED YOU! NOW EXPLAIN YOURSELF!" Aya yelled.

Ken glared at the redhead, who had angered the pleasant Omi to the point of plotting useless plans that involved dramatic pause INSTANT RAMEN. "Leave him alone, you bully! Omi, is this true?"

"Ummmm..." Omi blushed. Oh no, they were ALL going to find out! "Maybe....?"

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY! SCHWARZ IS EVIL! E-V-I-L SPELLS SCHWARZ, DO YOU HEAR ME?!?!"

"YES I HEAR YOU! I'M SURE THEY CAN HEAR YOU ALL THE WAY IN AMERICA! YELL LOUDER, WHY DON'T YOU?!" Omi yelled back. "Now, what were you doing on my computer in the first place? WHO I EMAIL IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"

"IT IS WHEN THEY'RE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU!"

"Omi..." began Ken. "Is Nagi that special friend you wanted to take with you when we immigrated to California after killing Aya and locking Yohji in the bathroom?"

Aya and Omi stared at the soccer player in disbelief. He had... just said...

"Is that true? You were plotting against me?" Aya said, deadly calm. This was even worse than he had first believed. Not only was Omi dating Nagi, but Schwarz was influencing Omi AND Ken into killing one of their own!

"Yes, and do you know why?!" Omi replied angrily. It was too late for denial, so he figured he should just stick to honesty.

"Because Nagi is a BAD INFLUENCE!"

"It's because you're a HEARTLESS LEADER! You're as bad as Crawfish!"

"Crawfish?" asked Ken.

"The guy with a stick up his butt? Isn't that his name?"

"You mean Crawford," correct Aya.

"Oh... Nagi calls him Crawfish..."

"His name is Brad Crawford, the leader of Schwarz and a powerful oracle. Avoid him and the rest of Schwarz at all costs," stated Aya, as if repeating Manx word for word.

"Geez, Aya, obsessed much?" Ken raised an eyebrow, wondering some crazy things...

"Ken! You told him our plan!" Omi shrieked, getting back on subject.

"Wha-?! At least I didn't tell him that we're gonna kill him with dramatic pause-"

"NO! DON'T TELL HIM THAT TOO!"

"INSTANT RAMEN!"

"GAAAAAH YOU IDIOT!" Omi glared at his teammates. "I am surrounded with MORONS!"

"You were... going to... KILL ME... with instant ramen?!" Aya's eye began twitching.

"No, with dramatic pause INSTANT RAMEN!" Ken explained.

"What's the difference?"

"One's more dramatic than the other. Instant ramen just can't compete in the dramatic contest with dramatic pause INSTANT RAMEN."

"...Whatever." Aya turned to Omi. "How could you DATE Nagi?! That... foul... play thing of Schwarz!"

"Foul play thing? Is that what you think of him?" The youngest of Weiss pouted. "I think he's cute and nice and a whole lot smarter than any of you!"

"Cute?! He's like... a killer bunny rabbit! Do you think killer bunny rabbits are CUTE?"

"Yes, I do," Omi stated defiantly. "Tot was like a killer bunny rabbit, you know. And Nagi liked her. And I like what Nagi likes. So, yes, I like killer bunny rabbits!"

"Awww, Aya, just leave the guy alone!" Ken defended his friend. "It's bad enough that his plot was discovered, he was forced to come out of the closet, and everyone found out about his fetish for killer bunny rabbits! Not to mention all the times you made fun of his shorts, tried to rid him of his pets, and..."

"I do NOT have a _fetish_ for killer bunny rabbits! Just psychokinetic fifteen-year-olds!" the younger boy interrupted. Hmph! Would people EVER get him right?!

"Whatever, it's basically the same thing!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

They continued arguing, and Schuldig became bored of listening to it. They were just going in circles... He wandered over to Farfarello, who was still trying to catch the cockroach.

_'Farf? What are you doing?!'_

_'Hunting.'_

_'I see that... Why?'_

_'No prey escapes twice from me.'_

_'Uh-huh... Have you been listening to them argue?'_

_'No.'_

_'Aya discovered Nagi and Omi's friendship... or boyfriendship, should I say.'_

_'That's nice. Now go away.'_ Farfarello was concentrating on his hunting, but it was impossible with Schuldig invading his mind.

_'Nah, I think I'll stay.'_

_'...'_

_'You're not going to catch that thing.'_

_'...'_

Schuldig paused his one-sided conversation to read his teammate's recent memories. Upon discovering the rabid pouncing kitty scene, the German was surprised at the man's reaction. _'Farf? You were defending Nagi?'_

_'Yes.'_ The kitten decided to give up hunting for now and talk. He would get his prey eventually, anyways.

_'Why? I didn't know you even acknowledged the boy's existence.'_

_'Acknowledged? Existence? Don't use big words - your small brain might explode.'_

_'Shut up! I'm not stupid!'_

_'I never said that...'_

_'You're being really difficult, you know. Sheesh, all I wanted was to have a NICE, DECENT conversation with you!'_

_'And all I want to do is hunt. So go away.'_ Farfarello turned back to his cockroach prey, which was scampering away as fast as its little legs could go.

Schuldig sighed in exasperation and went back to listening to the three Weiss.

"NOOO!" Omi shrieked.

"Yes!" Aya glared at the boy. "You WILL go over to Schwarz and break up with that freak!"

"NO! You can't make me!"

Ken frowned. "Aya..."

"What?!"

"Why are you trying to control his love life?"

"I only want what's best for him."

"YOU SOUND LIKE MY MOTHER!" Omi accused. Schuldig grinned inwardly, thinking that Ken and Aya did act like Omi's parents. It was funny, really...__

"Fine then. As your 'mother', I command you to stop seeing Nagi! I will drag you to Schwarz and FORCE YOU TO TELL HIM if I have to!!!" Aya yelled. Then, turning to Ken, he asked, "Will you help me get some sense into him?!"

"No way!"

"You have to! If I'm his mother, you're the father!"

"WHAT!?! Are you implying something?"

"It's only logical! Yohji can't be his father! He's too irresponsible!"

"I DON'T WANNA BE MARRIED TO YOU! You're a heartless assassin playing MOMMY to his teammate! I REFUSE TO BE ROPED INTO THIS!"

Completely ignored, Omi looked at his teammates. They were insane! If either of them really WERE his parent, Omi might just spare himself the torture and kill himself now. Shuddering in horror at the idea of Aya as his mother, Omi interrupted them, "QUIT IT! I don't CARE if Ken's my 'father' or if Aya's only being my 'mother' so he can get into Ken's pants! I JUST WANNA DATE NAGI AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER!"

Aya gaped at Omi. Had he just suggested... "I do NOT want into HIS pants! That is DISGUSTING!"

"What? So you think I'm disgusting?" Ken asked, hurt.

"I didn't say that."

"Yes you did."

Before Ken and Aya broke into a fight, Omi said, "Aya doesn't think you're disgusting, Ken. He's just asexual - he thinks EVERYONE is disgusting!"

"WHAT?! I am not... That's not... ARGH!" Aya shrieked. "THAT'S IT! Omi, you're going to go and break up with Nagi! RIGHT NOW!"

Without another word, the leader of Weiss grabbed Omi and began dragging him out of the kitchen. Ken followed along while telling Aya to calm himself.

Not wanting to miss anything, Schuldig tagged along as well. He didn't want Farfarello to stay by himself in the kitchen and possibly do something really stupid, so he dragged Farfarello along by his collar.

_'LET GO, SCHULDIG! I was hunting!'_

_'Too bad! You have to come!_

Despite his protests, Schuldig refused to let go of him, and the one-eyed kitten was forced to go along.

Yohji was still sitting in the living as the procession of three assassins and two kittens passed by. Eyebrow raised, he asked, "What are you doing?!"

"Aya's taking Omi to Schwarz's house to make him break up with Nagi and I can't stop them!" Ken answered.

"Oh... Sounds fun!" Yohji followed along as well, deciding that it might be more entertaining than his magazine.

Thus, Aya, dragging Omi, followed by Yohji and Ken, with Schuldig and Farfarello tagging along, the strange group began walking down the road to Schwarz's house. Crawford and Nagi were in for quite a fun party...


	4. The plot advances!

**Curse of the Koneko**

**Chapter 4**

Quite determined, Aya gripped Omi's wrist tightly as he marched down the sidewalk towards Schwarz's house. Omi had no choice but to follow along. Ken walked behind him, biting his lower lip anxiously as he wondered whether or not he should try to stop Aya. Yohji was tailing behind Ken in hopes of finding some free entertainment.

Schuldig the kitten was close behind followed by a pouting Farfarello. The one-eyed kitten didn't really want to come, but now that Schuldig had dragged him along, where else would he go but home?

To any stranger that happened to pass by, the procession looked like a conga line at a party hosted by Takatori - demented, sadistic, and hopelessly drab. Not exactly the ideal party starter...

* * *

Taking a peek into the Schwarz household, we find that Crawford was prepared for visitors. Oh ho, yes he was indeed. After all, he _was_ the best precog within a ten-mile radius! 

He had already made sure hot water was ready, in order to transform Schuldig and Farfarello. A hidden camera had been installed and an audio recorder put in his pocket - you never know when the chance to stock up on blackmail material may come. Then he sat down with the daily newspaper and waited.

They would arrive soon... very soon...

* * *

The conga-line-gone-bad halted at the front door of the Schwarz household. Aya knocked a few times, and then just for good measure, rang the doorbell too. Within moments, the door opened, seemingly by itself. 

Omi smiled softly. His Nagi was such a showoff sometimes... Aya also recognized the psychokinetic's work and rolled his eyes. Stupid Schwarz was always trying to freak them out with their weird psycho-powers!

They entered the house silently, glancing around. Before they could begin wandering everywhere and making trouble, Crawford and Nagi appeared.

"Greetings, Weiss," Crawford said. Aya nodded stiffly in acknowledgement. "What brings you here? And with kittens, too?"

"Kittens?!" Ken asked. Following Nagi and Crawford's gaze, Weiss stared at the two kittens. "Whoa, they actually followed us here?!"

"Apparently so," commented Crawford, amused at their surprise. Well, of course Farfarello and Schuldig would want to come home!

Omi beamed proudly at his kittens. Watching his own kitten, Nagi grinned, which triggered a frown from Aya. Ken sighed, tired of this war between Aya and Omi, and Crawford raised an eyebrow, curious. Yohji's eyes narrowed suspiciously at Crawford.

As the humans had their emotional displays, Farfarello and Schuldig sauntered away to transform back to their normal selves. Assuming Crawford had foreseen their arrival, hot water and a set of clothes should have been set out for them.

Bombay watched the two cats walk away and asked, "You aren't going to harm them, are you, Schwarz?"

"Of course not. We fight Weiss, not their pets," reassured Nagi. Then, at the insistence of Crawford, they journeyed into the living room to sit down.

"Enough of the chitchat. We have business with you, Schwarz!" Aya declared. "Your Prodigy has seduced our Bombay, and I demand that they break up right now!"

Everyone gasped... well, at least some of them did. Okay, so only Crawford and Nagi were surprised at all, and neither is the type to just gasp at anything. But gasping can be dramatic, so just pretend, okay?

So, after everyone was through 'gasping', they began staring at the youngest two. Nagi and Omi backed away slowly, standing side by side. Then without warning, they both fled the room.

"Omi! Come back!" ordered Aya, but it was to no avail. Crawford watched indifferently from his chair, the air of superiority and arrogance exuding from him like cologne from Schuldig after his morning shower.

Ken glowered at Aya. "Now look what you've done! They've run off!"

"Who cares?" Yohji said breezily. "It's not like they're going to get married or anything."

Aya and Ken turned simultaneously and glared at him.

"Famous last words, Kudou," Aya spat as Ken exclaimed, "Knock on wood! KNOCK ON WOOD!!!"

Crawford snickered quietly, and as one, the three Weiss looked at him. Suddenly, they all wordlessly agreed to band together against one common enemy... _Schwarz!_

"This is all YOUR FAULT, Oracle! You KNEW what Prodigy was doing to our Bombay, and you did something worse than encourage them - you did NOTHING! Not a single thing to stop it! How could you be SO EVIL, you evil…evil…THING?!?!" Aya shrieked hysterically. His heart in the moment, he stood up and pointed a finger into the air. Then he proclaimed, "For this horrible misdeed, I shall kill you ONCE AND FOR ALL!"

Truthfully, Crawford had only suspected Omi and Nagi's secret relationship and had never bothered to find out about it, trusting Nagi's own judgment. But he would never tell Weiss that. Instead, eyebrow raised, the would-be victim of Aya's rage said in a deadpanned tone, "I wish you luck, Weiss. You'll need it if you hope to kill me."

"Luck? AYA DOESN'T WANT YOUR FILTHY AMERICAN LUCK!" Ken defended his teammate valiantly. Then he stood up beside his leader to support the cause.

Although Yohji was still slightly angry with Aya, he rose as well. He waspart of the team, after all, plus he didn't want to be the only Weiss sitting.

However, before they could attack...

"Bradley, dear, are the Weiss kitties bothering you?" interrupted a familiar German voice, crushing any hopes of a dead Crawford. Team Weiss looked up in surprise and saw that Farfarello and Schuldig (in human form, of course) had entered the room.

Ignoring the new arrivals, Aya stated, "We're going to save Omi from Nagi's evil, telekinetic clutches RIGHT NOW! And you can't stop me!"

As one, Ken and Yohji followed Aya as he began storming away. Unfortunately, they were soon stopped when Farfarello slipped in front of them, arms barring the doorway with two blades at the ready.

"Psychokinetic!" the Irishman said with a glare. Crawford and Schuldig watched knowingly in the background, letting the scene advance uninterrupted.

"What are you talking about?" Aya demanded to know, staring defiantly into the man's eyes...erm, eye.

"_Psycho_kinetic..." responded Farfarello. He refused to budge from the spot, despite Aya's Deadly Glare of Death™.

"Nani?!" Aya asked. "Oh, just move out of the way, you freak!"

"Nagi is PSYCHOKINETIC! Not TELEKINETIC!" Farfarello finally spat.

Yohji, Ken and Aya gaped at him, disbelievingly. _That_ was the reason he wouldn't let them leave? Geez, talk about crazy!

"Oh, kami, who cares? It's all the same!" Ken exclaimed. Yohji nodded in agreement.

Crawford broke into their conversation, "Actually, they aren't the same. Anyone with intelligence would know that."

"EXCUSE ME?!" Ken cried. How dare that arrogant American call them stupid!

The man dismissed Ken's anger as if he were nothing but fly. "Weiss, please take your seats. You will not leave the room until Prodigy and Bombay return."

"Hmph! You're just doing that so they can get married and Prodigy can brainwash our poor Omi!" Yohji said. But, nevertheless, they complied with his request. They were guests in Schwarz's household, after all, and a host's wishes were to be respected... even if their host WAS a bit demented.

"Oh, come on. Why would we want our Naggles to marry that naive little kitten?! He might as well marry Farfarello for all the good THAT will bring!" exclaimed Schuldig indignantly. Silly kittens - didn't they know Schwarz had more dignity than that?

"For your information, they are _talking_ right now about how foolish you three are! And all we want is for Nagi to be HAPPY and," Schuldig paused for effect, "more importantly, for him stop WHINING about his love life gone down the drain because his crush is DEAD or KIDNAPPED!"

"Did you just suggest..." Aya's eye twitched dangerously (the man obviously not having heard the last part of Schuldig's rant). "...that your freaky albino _plaything_... is BETTER than our OMI?!"

Now Farfarello usually didn't care about what people thought about him. In fact, the more freaked out and scared they were, the better. He was quite used to the teasing insults of Schwarz - but he did NOT like what Aya was implying. He most certainly wasn't a freaky albino PLAYTHING! You might as well call him a Crawford fanboy for all the honesty _that_ statement has!

Completely offended, Farfarello scowled and, in desperate need of a quick insult, snarled, "Your sister hates you! Schuldig told me so!"

"Ehh?!?! " Ken exclaimed, shocked.

Playing along, Schuldig nodded knowingly. "Ja, the girl told me when I visited her dreams. You know what she dreams about?"

Aya didn't really want to know, but... when else would he be able to hear about his sister's dreams now that she was in a coma?

"Chocolate, and Pocky, and, most of all, her boyfriend!" chirped the telepath happily.

"Boyfriend? Aya-chan is in a coma, baka! She can't be dating!" Yohji said.

"Her boyfriend _before_ her accident," explained Schuldig. He rolled his eyes, as if to say 'DUH'.

"She never had a boyfriend, or else she would have told me," Aya stated, dangerously calm. Oh, the foolish German didn't know what treacherous ground he was stepping into...

"She knew you'd just get in her way - like you're trying to do to Omi and Nagi!" Schuldig taunted him mercilessly, "And guess _who_ was her boyfriend?"

"Who?" Yohji asked curiously.

"Me," said someone.

Everyone turned to look at the speaker - Crawford!

"Y-you!" Ken stuttered.

Schuldig and Farfarello grinned as they watched their leader take his turn in expanding their lie. Ah, if anyone knew how to lie to a Weiss kitten for the sake of torture, it was Crawford! (You didn't really believe Crawford would date Aya-chan, did you?! Oh, come on, everyone knows he'd never actually date a girl for _love_! Money, maybe, but certainly not love!)

"Ah, I remember it as if it were yesterday... We were both so young and inexperienced... well, at least _she_ was. Heh, I certainly taught her some things," Crawford said, chuckling at the memory.

The three members of Weiss gaped at him, dumbfounded at this new side of Crawford's. Who would have guessed that this cruel assassin would love Aya-chan?

Certainly not Aya! He was NOT falling for this trickery! Now that he could see through their facade, he quickly reined in his temper and stopped staring idly at Crawford.

"You don't expect me to believe you loved her, do you?" Aya said with a sneer. "Oracle wouldn't recognize love if it danced on up and stole his precious glasses right off his snooty face!"

"Who ever said I loved her? We weren't dating romantically!" Crawford said, resisting the temptation to say 'DUH'. "We were more like... friends. With benefits."

He winked, but only Schwarz seemed to appreciate the joke. And Yohji, who broke out laughing at the very idea. But of course, one would always expect the playboy to enjoy that sort of humor...

"You sicken me," stated Aya. "Lie all you want, but I see right through the whole act."

In the meantime Ken was still gaping at Crawford. He had just... just implied... that... Oh dear... The poor boy was ready to spontaneously combust!

Exasperated, Aya rolled his eyes at his teammate's behavior.

"Ken! Get a hold of yourself! He's LYING! Kami, even I can see that, and I'm the one with an anger management problem!" exclaimed Aya. "And Kudou, stop laughing! It's not FUNNY!"

"Erm, so Aya-chan _wasn't_... ummm, _harrassed_... by Crawford?" Ken asked awkwardly, breaking out of his slight daze.

"BAKA!" Aya slapped the side of the soccer player's head. "Of course not!"

"I was just checking!" he said, wounded more by the insult than the slap. "You people are very confusing!"

Schuldig snorted, amused at Ken's... for lack of better words, Ken-ness.

Then, with Schwarz's lie uncovered, Weiss resumed their seats. They would simply have to put up with their enemy's nutty fondness for dishonesty until Nagi and Omi came back...

* * *

Meanwhile, in Nagi's room, Prodigy and Bombay were catching up on each other's lives. Omi had just finished telling about his new kittens and everything else that had led up to Weiss's arrival at Schwarz's house. 

Nagi, in turn, told of his boredom while he waited for news of Farfarello and Schuldig's latest... 'mission'. While it wasn't a lie, it wasn't the entire truth either. How could Nagi tell Omi that his kittens were two Schwarz in disguise? When talking about his new pets, the boy's face lit up so brilliantly! If he knew the truth, then he would never see his kittens the same or might even get rid of them. Nagi couldn't bear to take away his beloved's happiness... even if it did mean lying to him.

His short tale told, Nagi smiled and asked, "Do you need help plotting against your leader? If I got Schuldig to cook the instant ramen, it would be even more lethal..."

"That might be helpful," Omi replied. "But Aya already found out about that plan, so let's think of a better one."

Then, together, the boys began forming a plan. They were both bright and creative, so they soon had a well thought-out plot in mind.

It was an intriguing scheme meant to cause Abyssinian grief and allow Nagi and Omi to date in peace. The plan was devious and clever, evil and almost dastardly. Oh, yes, this was certainly a conspiracy designed by the youngest of the assassins.

And now, it was time to begin. Hastily, Nagi beckoned Schuldig, using the telepathic link that connected all of Schwarz to the German. They would require his help, along with many others'...

* * *

Schuldig heard Nagi's mental calls loud and clear. The psychokinetic told him the general gist of their plan and how the telepath fit into it. The German smirked evilly as Nagi instructed him to come and talk it over with the couple. His smirk grew wider and, thus, more evil when he heard who to bring with him. 

After Nagi was through talking, the telepath's joy multiplied as it fed off of his malicious, scheming thoughts. Oooh, this would be so much FUN!

Don't get the German's feelings confused, though. He was totally unconcerned as to whether or not the chibis could date each other. The only reason he was eager to go along with their plan was simple: entertainment.

This would provide more barrels of entertainment than a barrel full of monkeys! And everyone knows a barrel full of monkeys can entertain even Farfarello, who was nearly impossible to buy gifts for if you couldn't afford the latest in cutlery.

Schuldig began right away by standing up and telling his teammates mentally, _'I'm going to check on the chibis.'_

Trusting his teammate's judgment, Crawford glanced at him and nodded once - a small, nearly unnoticeable gesture, yet clearly telling Schuldig that he had permission. (Not that the German needed it, of course!)

Weiss, however, were completely clueless since they were left out of Schwarz's meantal conversations. They stood up immediately after Schuldig, ready for anything.

"Weiss, sit down. Schuldig merely has business to attend to," Crawford explained glibly.

"Now, now, Bradley, I'll let one kitten come along," Schuldig said courteously... almost too much so, knowing his personality. "Siberian, please follow me."

Hesitantly, Ken drifted away from his teammates, and they in turn reluctantly stayed, worried for his safety...and sanity.

Crawford realized this so he assured them, "We don't intend to fight, torture, or kill any of you today, you know. It's much more trouble than you're worth."

Huffily, Aya sat back down, and Yohji followed suit.

Schuldig and Ken paused at the doorway, where Farfarello was standing guard. After a moment of telepathic conversation only heard by Schwarz, Farfarello stood aside to let them pass, and then followed them out of the room.

This left only Aya, Yohji, and Crawford. Curiously, Yohji asked, "Why's Berserker going too? They're not... _kidnapping _Ken, are they?!"

"Of course not. If we wanted to kidnap any of you, we would have already."

And that was quite true.

Taking his word for it, Yohji continued, "Ah, I see... What exactly is Mastermind doing, anyway?"

"I believe Prodigy and Bombay would like to make a deal between Weiss and Schwarz regarding their relationship," Crawford answered, partially honest.

"NANI?!" Aya shrieked. "Then why am I not going?!"

"_That's_ why!" Yohji answered. "You have a horrible temper, and you yell and scream, and your blood pressure is probably THROUGH THE ROOF!"

Crawford nodded in agreement. "It's very sad that you cannot see true young love in front of your very eyes. What Bombay and Prodigy have is very rare for any assassin - you of all people should understand, Abyssinian."

"True young love?! Don't be ridiculous! Omi couldn't love _him_!" Aya disagreed passionately. "Your Prodigy must have seduced him!"

"Why are you so set against them? Nobody else seems to mind," Crawford countered.

"BECAUSE OMI IS IN LOVE WITH AYA-CHAN!"Aya blurted out accidentally. He then gasped and covered his mouth with both hands, surprised that he had said that.

"Nani?!" Yohji exclaimed as Crawford raised an eyebrow.

Sighing, Aya knew that he couldn't keep it a secret any longer. "You see, it all began one day when I was cleaning..."

* * *

In his usual manner, Schuldig barged into Nagi's room without so much as a knock, and Ken and Farfarello filed into the room after him. Nagi and Omi greeted them cheerfully, ready to get started. 

"Okay, so what's going on?" Ken asked.

"We've come up with a plan to let us stay together and make Aya mad!"

"It's quite simple, actually. To make Aya understand that innocent love between a Schwarz and a Weiss can exist is simple: make _him_ fall in love with a Schwarz."

"And who better - or worse, should I say - for his new crush than Farfarello?"

Nagi and Omi finished their small speech with identical grins of triumph.

Schuldig laughed. "Sounds fun!"

Dubiously, Ken asked, "Would that really work? Aya hates Schwarz!"

The devious pair quickly launched into a more detailed explanation: it would begin with Weiss staying over for dinner. Ken could easily sneak a sleeping pill into Aya's dinner without arousing any suspicions on Aya's part. When he fell unconscious, he would be locked in with Farfarello in the man's cell.

Schuldig would feed romantic, lustful thoughts to Aya the entire time, making him see Farfarello differently. And when he awoke, confused and unaware of what had gone on, the subject of his dreams would be right there. Farfarello would act flirtatious (if possible, anyway) and properly confuse the man. If they were lucky, Aya would be too busy with his own feelings to think about Nagi or Omi's relationship.

It was an ingenious plan. Even Schuldig had to hand it to them - there was definitely a chance of pulling this off.

In spite of this, one person had an objection. Pouting, Farfarello asked, "Why _me_?!"

"Well…I know Crawford won't do it, and Schuldig has to concentrate on Abyssinian's thoughts. Plus you're the last person Aya would ever want to love Nagi explained.

"But I don't want a Weiss fanboy!" Farfarello nearly shuddered at the thought. Upon hearing it put like that, Ken almost did too.

"Oh, why not?" Nagi said, a pleading note in his voice.

"Because I don't like him!" announced the Irishmen. "And because I like someone else!"

Everyone did a double take, wondering if they had heard what they thought they had.

"Farfarello! Why didn't you tell me so?" Schuldig whined, feigning a wounded tone. "Who is it? Come on, don't make me dig it out of your mind!"

Suddenly uncharacteristically nervous, Farfarello gulped and began, "It's..."

TO BE CONTINUED... (HOPEFULLY SOON)


End file.
